


All That Way For This

by Luka



Series: Iceman [4]
Category: Primeval
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-18
Updated: 2008-05-18
Packaged: 2017-10-11 21:08:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/117150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luka/pseuds/Luka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>  Nick has to re-evaluate his relationship with Stephen</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That Way For This

  
  
  
  
  


**Entry tags:**

| 

  
[abby](http://lukadreaming.livejournal.com/tag/abby), [fiction](http://lukadreaming.livejournal.com/tag/fiction), [iceman](http://lukadreaming.livejournal.com/tag/iceman), [lyle](http://lukadreaming.livejournal.com/tag/lyle), [nick](http://lukadreaming.livejournal.com/tag/nick), [ryan](http://lukadreaming.livejournal.com/tag/ryan), [series](http://lukadreaming.livejournal.com/tag/series), [slash](http://lukadreaming.livejournal.com/tag/slash), [stephen](http://lukadreaming.livejournal.com/tag/stephen), [stephen/ryan](http://lukadreaming.livejournal.com/tag/stephen%2Fryan)  
  
  
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Title: All That Way For This  
Author: Luka  
Characters: Nick Cutter, Stephen Hart, Tom Ryan, Abby Maitland, Connor Temple, Jon Lyle  
Rating: 18  
Disclaimer: Not mine, I'm just playing and won't make a penny out of them. I'll put them back when I'm finished, honest!  
Spoilers: Series 1  
Pairing: Stephen/Ryan mentioned  
Summary:  Nick has to re-evaluate his relationship with Stephen  
A/N: Sequel to [A Fire is Burning](http://lukadreaming.livejournal.com/2008.html#cutid1), [We Could Leave Right Now](http://lukadreaming.livejournal.com/4534.html#cutid1) and [This Year Next Year](http://lukadreaming.livejournal.com/4748.html#cutid1). Jon Lyle appears courtesy of [](http://fredbassett.livejournal.com/profile)[**fredbassett**](http://fredbassett.livejournal.com/)! And many thanks to Fred for the beta.

  


Nick leaned back in his chair and watched Stephen. His lab assistant seemed oblivious to the fact he was being stared at, as he sifted through a pile of student projects. But the smile on his usually serious face was the giveaway.

Stephen seemed like a different person of late. He'd always been serious and reserved, and sometimes Nick thought he was the only person the young man had any sort of conversation with. Stephen just didn't do small talk. But recently he seemed to be spending a lot of time on his mobile and almost flirting with whoever was at the other end. And he looked relaxed and happy.

Stephen's private life had always been a firmly closed book. He'd never mentioned any partner to Nick, and seemed oblivious to the smitten students looking doggy-eyed at him. Nick had always thought it a bit strange that someone as good-looking as Stephen appeared to be single, but he reckoned it was none of his business.

Something had changed, though. Until recently both Nick and Stephen seemed to spend most of their weekends at work. They'd go for a pint or a curry afterwards, but being in the shambolic office seven days a week was normal for them. Except now, if they weren't out chasing anomalies, Stephen wasn't to be seen after 5pm on Fridays. And Nick missed his company.

***

They were out in the Forest of Dean again, chasing an anomaly that appeared to open and shut at random like a mantrap. Only, every time it opened, it disgorged some particularly nasty raptors. One of Ryan's men had been skewered on the vicious tail of one of them as they hurtled back through the anomaly. Nick had hurled himself to one side, taking a blow in the ribs as he fell.

He lay against the trunk of a tree, trying to get his breath back, Shit, it felt like one of his ribs was broken.

"Cutter, you OK?" Stephen was looking down at him, the worry clear on his face.

"Yeah … Just winded … Dunno if a fucking rib's broken, though."

"Ditzy's trying to sort out Jacko. He says to stay still and he'll be over in a minute."

"I'm fine. Is the lad OK?"

Stephen grimaced and shrugged, and Nick knew it wasn't looking good for the soldier. And he wondered again if they were doing the right thing, something that was costing too many lives. "Give Lester a ring and tell him what's going on, or he'll be down here and that's the last fucking thing we need."

Stephen nodded and headed off towards the truck. Nick tried to stand up, but flopped back down in a heap. Fuck, definitely a rib, maybe two.

"What a fucking mess …"

"Yeah, don't like the look of Jacko …"

The voices came from behind him and to one side. It was two of the Special Forces men; Nick couldn't remember their names unlike Stephen, who knew them all by first name.

"The Captain's going to be fit to be fucking tied …"

"Just so long as he chops the balls off that poncy fucking civil servant, I don't care."

"Twat'd probably enjoy it …"

"So might the Captain, come to that."

The response was an awkward laugh. "Don't let him hear you say that! Got himself a pretty boy, though, to keep his bed warm."

"Wouldn't know!"

"Liar!"

"Yeah, well, maybe. He's a good lad is the Iceman. I know he doesn't say much, but he gets stuck in. And he shoots better than half of our lot. Dunno why he's wasting his fucking time in a university …"

"Yep. And I don't care what the two of them do in bed. The Captain's an A1 guy and deserves a good time. He must be getting plenty of it, mind, given he let you get away with all that shit yesterday."

A nervous laugh. "Yeah, maybe …"

Nick shifted position and only just stopped himself gasping with pain. Was Stephen the Iceman? He had to be. And it was a good name for him. But did it mean he and Ryan were sleeping together? That couldn't be right.

The two soldiers wandered off and Nick huddled behind the tree, trying to unjumble his thoughts. Ryan, one of the most tough and macho men he'd ever met was gay? And Stephen, who every woman in the university drooled over, slept with men? He'd seen Stephen and Ryan naked in the showers often enough, and suddenly he couldn't get the image out of his mind of Ryan's huge cock piercing Stephen's narrow arse.

It took Nick a while to rationalise his thoughts. Intellectually he knew being gay didn't matter, but emotionally he thought back to his Presbyterian boyhood where homosexuality was seen as dirty and perverted and wrong. Hell, it shouldn't matter, and it really wasn't any of his business. But he hoped Lester wouldn't find out, as he could certainly see the officious git separating the two men – and it was odds-on that Stephen would be the one pulled off the project.

He wasn't going to say anything, really he wasn't, but when Stephen took him home from the hospital and set about brewing tea, Nick heard himself saying: "So you and Captain Ryan are fucking?"

Stephen stared at him, his blue eyes unwavering. "Yes."

"How long's it been going on for?"

"I don't think it's any of your business."

"I'm your line manager …" Shit, what the fuck was he saying?

"So? I don't recall anything in my contract about having to clear my private life with you. Do you have to interview my lovers first?"

"Stephen, don't be silly. All I mean is that a relationship like that might affect the anomaly project."

"I don't see how …"

"People bringing their love life to work is always dodgy."

"So you'll bear that in mind next time you're leching over Claudia and wanting to get inside her knickers?"

"That's not the same at all."

"Christ, talk about double fucking standards! So it's OK to have straight relationships but not gay ones? Welcome to the 21st century, Nick. People are gay, get over it. And if I want to marry Tom, I can."

"Are you going to?" Nick knew he was digging himself deeper with each question.

"I don't know yet. But if I do, I'll be sure to invite you. Or couldn't you bear to see two men getting hitched?"

"Stephen, it's a civil partnership, not a wedding …"

"Oh for fuck's sake! What's your fucking problem? Are you some kind of bigoted god-botherer who doesn't believe queers should be treated like normal people?"

"You know I'm not!"

"I don't know anything about you any more. I can't believe you're so prejudiced."

"I'm not, really …"

"So you say. What don't you like? Is it the thought of Tom fucking me 'til I can't sit down, or him sticking his dick in my mouth?"

Nick flinched. "Stephen, stop this. Now."

"You started it. And I thought you knew what queers do in bed. You know what they say about homophobes … Half of them are closet queers. So is it jealousy, Nick? Who d'you want to fuck, me or Tom?"

The punch seemed to come from nowhere, knocking Stephen to the ground. Nick stared in horror, realising he was shaking.

"Oh shit Stephen, I'm so sorry …"

Stephen stood up, scrubbing at his bleeding lip with the back of his hand. "Stay away from me! You make me sick."

And Nick was left staring after him as Stephen grabbed his rucksack and slammed the door behind him.

***

The anomaly closing behind them caught Nick and Ryan unawares. They'd dragged the raptor through and had only moved about 100 metres to push the drugged creature off the trolley. When they looked round again, the anomaly had gone.  

"Oh fuck!" Nick sat down against a rock, rubbing his fingers through his hair. Ryan regarded him coolly, but said nothing. "I suppose all we can do is wait."

They remained in silence for what seemed like an age before Nick said: "Tom, I'm sorry …"

"My name's Ryan."

"I thought …"

"Only three special people in my life call me by my first name. You're not one of them."

"I'm sorry …" Nick felt about an inch high. As Ryan turned away and scanned the horizon, Nick tried again. "I said some things to Stephen that I shouldn't have done. And I hit him …"

"So I hear."

"Will he forgive me?"

"You'll have to ask him that yourself."

Nick had this sudden vivid image of them never getting home again and of Stephen grieving for his handsome soldier, his heart broken. Nick knew there was no one to grieve for him in his empty house and train wreck of a life. "I will. I hope he'll forgive me. You … You've made him so happy. He smiles a lot now."

Ryan scanned left and right, but Nick knew he was listening. "I've known Stephen for nearly ten years, and sometimes I feel I don't know him any better now than when he started his degree. What he told me was a shock, and I handled it badly. I come from a background where homosexuality was seen as wrong. I don't believe that, although I know you won't believe me. And I don't know any gay people …"

"For fuck's sake! I don't believe that for one minute."

"I don't, really," said Nick helplessly.

"More likely they don't feel able to tell you because they know what your reaction would be."

"Ryan, please believe me, it's just because I was shocked by what Stephen told me. He's not the person I thought he was."

"So you can't cope with the fact one small part of his private life isn't how you imagined it? Or is it that he's got someone who cares about him now? Or can't you stand seeing him happy, given you've treated him like your servant for years?"

"That's not true!"

"Then why would someone with a PhD and his field experience work as your lab assistant?"

"He likes his job and I value him highly."

"So you say. Quick … it's opened again! Oh fuck!"

Three or four raptors were bearing down on them and Ryan fired off a torrent of bullets which gave them the time to hurtle through the anomaly and land at the feet of half a dozen Special Forces men. The anomaly closed again, neatly amputating the head of the lead creature.

"Nice to see you again, boss," said Lieutenant Lyle dryly. "And that'll look good on the barbecue later."

Nick sat on the grass trying to get his breath back. To the untrained eye, all that went between Ryan and Stephen was the briefest of smiles. But their body language said it all. And as they loaded the gear into the truck, he saw Ryan's arm briefly encircle Stephen's slim waist.

"Nick, shall I drive back to London?" Abby was beside him, staring at him thoughtfully.

"It's OK, Abby, I will."

"The only thing you're fit to do is put the truck into a ditch."

He was too tired to argue, and just shrugged. Abby pulled the seat forward – it was set for Stephen's long legs – and set off back to the university. They'd only gone a couple of miles when she said: "For an intelligent man, Nick, you do some very stupid things."

"I …"

"Shut up and listen to me for a minute. What business is it of yours what Stephen does in his private life? It's almost like you want to wreck his happiness."

"I don't!"

"As it happens I believe you, but you won't be surprised to hear that Stephen doesn't. And even Connor thinks you're behaving like a prat."

"What d'you mean, even me?" Connor's voice floated over from the back. Abby ignored him.

"You owe Stephen and Captain Ryan an apology."

"I tried, but the Captain wouldn't accept it."

"Then try again. And keep trying 'til you can behave like the rational human being you're supposed to be."

***

Nick was at work by 6.30am the next morning. He'd managed about two and a half hours sleep, and had admitted defeat at 5am. But he'd done a lot of thinking – more than he wanted to for his peace of mind. Stephen and he had ten years of history together. They'd talked their way out of countless scrapes and tight corners. They'd seen things your average person in the street would never be able to imagine. Stephen had saved his life on more than one occasion. And now Nick was behaving like a spoilt brat because the person whose undivided attention he'd basked in for years had got another friend.

He was at his desk, drinking a cup of strong coffee and staring blankly at a pile of student essays when the door opened and Stephen came in. They'd hardly seen each other since the row, as Stephen came in late, stayed late, and had set up camp in one of the laboratories. Stephen was halfway across the room before he clicked that Nick was there.

"What are you doing here?"

"I work here," said Nick mildly.

Stephen picked up a pile of the essays and started out of the room again.

"Stephen, please don't go. We need to talk."

"There's nothing left for us to say. I know damn well that it's me who'll have to look for a new job, so in the meantime I'll use the stockroom in lab one as an office. And you'll be glad to know I've told everyone I got hit in the mouth playing squash."

"I don't want you to go or to find a new job. I want us to talk and to make up. I know you don't trust me any more and you have every right not to, but we can't throw away everything we've achieved together. You're …" Nick swallowed hard. "You're very special to me, Stephen. You helped me through that awful time of my life when Helen disappeared and you've always been there for me. What I said to you was unforgivable and I can't apologise enough. I've thought about it lots and I was jealous, jealous of Ryan because he's got your love and attention… I've just got so used to it being the two of us against the world. Come back to me Stephen, please. I want us to be friends again. I hate it without you …"

Stephen stood by the door like a wild animal about to bolt, the essays clasped across his chest. Nick noticed absently how the muscles in his arms stood out. Stephen had gone from being a gawky, gangling 18-year-old to a muscular, toned man.

"You know what I feel about you, don't you …?" Stephen's voice was quiet.

Nick nodded. "I've tried not to lead you on. But I was obviously jealous on some level, and I haven't dealt with it well, and I'm sorry for that. Ryan's a lucky man and he'll answer to me if he pisses you about at all. Whatever you may think, Stephen, I'll always be here for you as your friend."

Stephen nodded and allowed Nick to hug him briefly. Then Stephen was gone.

Nick perched on the windowsill and looked down over the campus. His life had felt like it was on quicksand for the past eight years. Stephen had been the one constant in all of that and the thought of a rift between them was too much to bear. He rubbed his eyes and reached out for his mug of now-cold coffee.  They had to be a team again. Life without Stephen was too awful to contemplate.


End file.
